I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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