dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
