i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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