Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
