I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
