Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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