I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
