do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
