I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
