I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
