Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
