sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
