I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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