you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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