It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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