Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i've created a new STD.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
