my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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