GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
