my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
