ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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