did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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