I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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