if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
