sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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