the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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