She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
