Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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