I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didn't notice because vodka
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
