You just made me feel so damn special
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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