she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
