God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
