just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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