Is it because I queefed?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
