I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
