I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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