we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
