I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize