I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize