I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
please don't ironically join a cult
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