It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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