Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize