I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
