I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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