He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
