I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You were trust falling into bushes
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize