I could have mohawked her pubes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
