fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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