friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
