My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
