You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We left the knife in your bed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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