Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
