All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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