I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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