He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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