i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
