I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
