Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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