I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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