i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
