I need to stop coming to work sober
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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