About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
