It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize