Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
