From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
