god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
