So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
