I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
