Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think my vagina is haunted
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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