I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
