What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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