So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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