Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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