she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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