I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize