Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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