I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
