Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
