i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
