he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize