what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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