at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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