I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
