There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i permit you to call me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
